Whoa.

Criminal Minds, a show that knows how to bring the creepy, set a whole new standard in creepy tonight.

Major kudos to the hair/make-up department. Who needs blood when you've got pancake and lipstick?

And the actresses playing this week's victims? Television acting really is all about the eyes.

CM's also always been good about balancing sympathy for UNSUBs programmed by trauma and chemistry with the need to STOP THEM NOW AND SAVE PEOPLE and this UNSUB was possibly the saddest we've ever seen. Like Garcia said, doomed.

Note to the world: Do NOT wave your credentials in front of Dr. Spencer Reid. He will pwn your sorry ass. He's also hot while doing it. ::is shallow::

Dear Criminal Minds,

I was a little worried last week -- the acting was fine, the case was interesting, but the script was all over the place, dropping stuff right and left and never quite coalescing into that tight "teamwork" feeling that made me fall for you in the first place.

Baby, last night you brought me flowers and took me dancing and draped bling around my neck while feeding me chocolate.

You are the new black. You are the coolness. You are teh hot.

Also, Hotch?

Please run away with me and I will bear your little profiler babies.

Reid and Gideon, please don't worry. My love for you remains true, just slightly eclipsed this week by the woobie in the tie.

Elle, Morgan, JJ, Garcia -- my love is deep and wide (it just looks shallow) so rest assured I'll get to you sometime.

Did I mention the hot?

Randomness:

Wanna bet that Hotchner's dad was either blue-collar or else sloppy in his dress and that's why Hotch always dresses so sharply, rarely loosening that tie?

Memo to the producers: You have my permission to use fake rats. Because if that basement scene had been real, we'd have seen Feds kicking 'em away and/or stomping on them, not gingerly pushing them aside. Props for your respect of SPCA guidelines but I'd prefer stuffed rodents and real reactions.