ladyvyola

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conuly posting in

DEAR ABBY: In the four years my husband and I have been married, his distaste for the LGBTQ community has grown into a passion. He calls it immoral and unnatural. I've never tried to change his opinion, but because I don't enthusiastically agree with him, he is convinced I'm going to hell. He uses nearly every conversation as an opportunity to share his feelings on this issue. Any response I volunteer goes unheard.

Shortly after our wedding, my father revealed he is gay. Thankfully, my husband can be kind to him while disapproving of his sexuality. I'm not sure Dad knows the extent of my husband's negative feelings. (They live in different states, so they rarely see each other.)

My problem is, my father recently became engaged to his partner, and I'm not sure how to tell my husband. I'm not asking him to agree with my dad's life, but I don't want him to steal my joy over this event or make me feel guilty for going to their wedding. I will certainly be going alone. Advice, Abby? -- ALLY IN MICHIGAN

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused as a child. Because of this, as an adult woman, I have issues around being touched. I have had therapy, and I am doing much better, but I'm still uncomfortable with physical contact. I simply request that people ask me before they touch me, and I usually agree.

The issue is my mother-in-law. She refuses to ask before touching me and often pulls me into unwanted hugs or comes up behind me. I have explained to her about my history, so she knows why I want her to ask me first, but she brushes it off and says she isn't going to hurt me. One time she said, "What? Do you think I'm going to attack you?" No, I don't think she is going to attack me. This issue is about me, not her, but she doesn't understand that.

My husband throws up his hands and refuses to get involved, as he hates being put in the middle. How can I make her understand that I need her to ask before putting her hands on me? -- PROTECTIVE IN ILLINOIS

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sinesofinsanity posting in

fancake

Fandom: DC, technically the Justice League (2017) movie, but can reasonably fit with most DC timelines
Pairings/Characters: Martha Kent, Atlanna
Rating: T
Length: 2,909 words
Creator Links: susiecarter
Theme: Female Relationships, Female Friendship, Gen, Minor Characters, Superpowers

Summary: There's a very unusual woman on the train, when Martha boards just outside Metropolis.

Reccer's Notes: I love depictions of Martha Kent where she is no-nonsense and kind, but ultimately human. She is out of her depth in the superhero shenanigans but perfectly suited to handle any and all human things before and after. I love how she immediately clocks Atlanna as "strange and possibly dangerous" and so decides to strike up a conversation. It's lovely to see these two women bond over their sons even before they really know who each other is. Also Alfred cameos at the end which is always fun.

Fanwork Links: not far from the apples on AO3

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife, “Minerva,” and I have a 6-year-old son, “Blaine.”

When Blaine was just under 1, Minerva and I began to have issues getting along. I started an affair with “Wendy,” Minerva’s sister. Less than a year into the affair, Wendy ended up pregnant and had a son, “Cameron.” She told everyone she conceived through a sperm donor.

The affair lasted another two years, when we decided we both could not continue on with it.

The boys are close and love spending time together. The trouble is that as they have gotten older, they are resembling each other more and more—and they both look like me.

Luckily Blaine is blond like his mother, which makes it slightly less obvious, though not much. Lately Wendy and I have been taking steps to try and keep them apart, or at least have them see each other for playdates and outings without Minerva present.

However, we know we can’t keep this up. Wendy suggested that should could request a transfer to another state through work. We both agreed that would be the best thing, even if I don’t get to see my younger son grow up.

Would there ever be an appropriate time to confess the truth to my wife, or is this one of those things you take to your grave? Minerva and I have managed to repair our relationship in the last couple of years, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.

—No Such Thing as the Best of Both Worlds

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Prudence,

I would never cut off my family, and I don’t think of them as “toxic” or any of those buzzwords, but we aren’t close. We talk on holidays and they attended my wedding celebration, but we don’t really know each other. My parents focused on my brother growing up, and I was just kind of also there. When I was 15, my brother had some more intense issues and my parents moved out of state to give him a fresh start. My best friend’s parents offered to take me in so I could finish high school in my hometown. It was the best thing anyone could have possibly done for me. They parented me in a way I’d never experienced and, although I was difficult, they were patient. I thrived with them. I went on to get an apprenticeship, build a small business, and marry a wonderful man. We co-own a duplex with my best friend and her spouse, and are close with his family and hers. We plan to raise kids together. I feel like my family is here, and complete. But then my beloved brother changed everything.

Completely unexpectedly to me, my brother sharply cut off our parents this winter. I have no idea why. They’re responding by pouring all that energy and money my way for the first time in my life. It’s very weird and uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to get them to stop. I’ve been dodging their calls and texts, but they’ve escalated to mailing gifts, and pushing for a visit. How do I politely shut them down and keep our normal level of contact?

—I Barely Know Them

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magid posting in

agonyaunt

Third question in this week’s NY Times’ Social Q’s, posted because I’m flabbergasted by the guests’ question.
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mific posting in

fancake

Fandom: Deadloch
Characters/Pairings: Eddie Redcliffe/Dulcie Collins
Rating: Teen
Length: 2518
Content Notes: Internalised homophobia, unreliable narrator, political correctness and Eddie aren't even in the same universe
Creator Links: pintpotjudas on AO3
Themes: Female relationships, Backstory, Ambiguous relationships

Summary: Just Eddie, musing on hair. And lesbians. And herself, a bit. (She's meant to be thinking about the case.)
Set in a lull (???) in episode five, or thereabouts.

Reccer's Notes: The detective partnership of Eddie and Dulcie is central to Deadloch, and it's "enemies to friends" in canon, but with a tantalising hint of maybe-polyamory at the very end of the show. In this story, Eddie thinks about lesbians in general (Deadloch's full of lesbians), her odd fascination with Dulcie's long, thick, hair, and remembers a female friendship from her teens. It's a believable character study where we understand a bit more about Eddie and see the beginnings of her attraction to Dulcie, even if Eddie's still mostly in denial. Interesting, and well written, with great characterisation and Eddie's usual hilarious and colourful turns of phrase.

Fanwork Links: Horsehair

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

[having trouble with html today]
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yourlibrarian posting in

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Do you make crafts? Do you like to look at crafts? Would you like to get (or give) advice about crafts? All crafts are welcome. Share photos, stories about projects in progress, and connect with other crafty folks.

You are welcome to make your own posts, and this community will also do a monthly call for people to share what they are working on, or what they've seen which may be inspiring them. Images of projects old or new, completed or in progress are welcome, as are questions, tutorials and advice.

If you have any questions, ask them here!

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over Memorial Day weekend, I hosted a small get-together at my home with my extended family. My cousin brought her 1-year-old son, who's just starting to walk and explore the world around him. He's a sweet little boy and was especially fascinated by my dog. The problem is that my dog has never been great around small children. He's anxious by nature and tends to get overstimulated easily. I usually keep him away from kids for that reason, but in the chaos of the day, I let my guard down.

At one point, before anyone could intervene, the baby startled my dog, and my dog reacted by biting him. It wasn't just a nip, either. It was a hard bite, and it left a mark. Thankfully, the injury wasn't severe, but it was enough to cause a lot of distress, especially for my cousin and her husband. My cousin was understandably upset, and while she tried to be civil about it, I could tell she was angry and hurt.

I feel so much guilt about the bite, but I'm also worried about what this means for our relationship moving forward and for my dog. I don't know how to make things right. Should I have done more to prevent the situation? How do I approach my cousin now and express how sorry I am without making things worse? -- Dog Bite

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Link to Dear Annie

Dear Annie: My husband and I have two kids under 5, and we both work full-time. As you can imagine, our lives are pretty hectic. My mother-in-law lives about 30 minutes away and expects us to visit her almost every weekend. If we don't, she lays on the guilt pretty thick -- talking about how she "never sees the kids" or implying we don't value family.

The truth is, we're just exhausted. Weekends are the only time we get to catch up on rest, housework or just quality time together as a family without having to entertain. We've tried inviting her to our house instead, but she always declines and insists we come to her.

I know she means well, and we want her to have a relationship with the kids, but I'm starting to dread the constant pressure. How can we set firmer boundaries without starting a bigger family conflict? -- Tired But Trying

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****************

2. Dear Annie: Out of the blue, my daughter told me she bought a house in Connecticut and will be moving there from New Jersey. She insists the two-hour drive isn't far, but I feel hurt and blindsided that she didn't let me know about this until she'd already bought the house and was getting ready to sell her New Jersey home.

Her mother-in-law helped her financially with the move, which is great, but now she'll live just 30 minutes from her in-laws while I'm two hours away. I feel betrayed having been kept in the dark. I'm also 65, live on my own and have a very, very sick dog. I don't know how long the dog will live, but for now, traveling two hours one way just isn't an option.

I'm very hurt by what she did and I'm trying to get past it. She used to live just 30 minutes from me, and now she'll be just as close to her mother-in-law, who helped her buy the house. I've actually had to go on antidepressants because of this. Thankfully, my son and his fiancee live a mile away, so that's a blessing. But I feel like the mother-in-law pulled a fast one as she has her daughter, her daughter's family and now her son and his family so close to her.

Please give me some advice to help me get through this. -- Left Out in New Jersey

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runpunkrun posting in

fancake

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

1. Someone stole my muffin from the office freezer

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Current Mood: amused

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Annie: I've been married to my husband, "David," for nine years. We have two kids, ages 7 and 4. Lately, I've been struggling with how much time he spends on his phone. Every night after dinner, instead of helping with bedtime or talking with me, David disappears into the garage or sits on the couch playing online poker. I've brought it up more than once, but he just says he needs to "unwind."

Last week, our daughter even said, "Daddy, get off your phone!" That broke my heart. I work full-time as a nurse and manage most of the household chores and parenting. I don't mind him relaxing, but I want him to be present for our family -- not just physically, but mentally, too.

How do I approach this without it turning into another argument? -- Feeling Like a Single Parent in Knoxville

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: I found out that, behind my back, my best friend has been (secretly) growing hair for the past year. He knows I have been balding for many years. Although I have accepted my follicular fate, he knows I constantly search for self-improvement in my life.

What bothers me is that he didn't share the information until I mentioned I was thinking about trying Rogaine. THAT is when he told me he has been using a similar product for the past year and it seems to be working. He even took off his baseball cap (which he has been curiously wearing for a year), to show me the modest results. I doubt he would have shared this if I hadn't raised the subject.

I feel deeply shafted by his secrecy, and I don't see it as such a private matter that it had to be concealed. I do understand that he may have felt embarrassed to admit it bothered him and that he was taking steps to address the issue.

What is the rule of etiquette under the circumstances? Should a person share self-improvement methods that are modestly successful with a close friend who would clearly benefit from the information (assuming it is not so personal or private that it cannot be shared)? -- SHAFTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

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ladyvyola

October 2014

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Style: Ivory Alcea for Mobility by branchandroot
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DCU: not far from the apples by susiecarter

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Toxic: It's not just a buzzword!

Social Q’s: No Need to Feel Flattened by a Fifth Wheel

Deadloch: Horsehair by pint pot Judas

Dear Prudence: My Ex Is Warning All My Dates About Me

Every Kind of Craft now open!

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One column, two letters

Theme Reminder: Female Relationships

Ask a Manager: The Great Muffin Caper

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October 2014

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